GOODBYE

Bye Blogger, boycotting you for now. I was exasperated that I typed a freaking long post on iPad and you didn't upload it due to some damn error. What's worse, it wasn't saved as a draft. :/

laughalicious.wordpress.com

Btw, anyone happens to know if I can put Cbox in Wordpress?

迷失

It's the last lap. Go for it!!
Moments of joy, sadness, anger...the little things that I've achieved one step at a time mean so much to me, albeit minute, trivial, unimportant to some.

Chiong ahhh!


我不知道这是放弃，还是放慢脚步。

The time will come

It's been a long time since I posted. I just feel like re-assembling all my body parts for that teeny weeny chance that I will be better or it will change my current situation. I don't know...feel as though I'm perpetually trapped and no matter how much I try, I can't get out.

For something you love or love doing - Must you be good at it? Can't it just be for that love and totally not be linked to any achievement? It's a pity that very few people can do what they really want and like just for the sake of it. To enjoy each and every moment, just the process is sufficient, it's ample and it brings a great deal of joy. Take CCAs for instance. You like that CCA, so you join it. But the school's focus is on competitions and winning awards. If that CCA can't reach the school's target of a certain number of titles or whatever, the CCA will be closed down. This is happening in primary schools. What is this?! Even in primary schools, children are already being instilled with the mindset that the ultimate aim of anything is to do well. Competition totally takes away that happiness and sheer enjoyment of self discovery, thus many students lose interest. Likewise for studies - I like most of my subjects, I don't hate any particular one, but I don't do well. I guess my love for the subjects makes me wanna work hard and strive to get a better grade? Ultimately, isn't it what we learn that is the most important? We're just being dehumanised, just being a step closer to being a photocopier.

I've got several things I hope to do after the Os, learn sketching and MAYBE a musical instrument. There's so much more to do in life, so if I do learn sketching or a musical instrument, I will take it one step at a time, at my own pace. Definitely not under the stress of an art competition or music exam [though that's way too far off].

On the fringe

Couldn't agree more with Daryl's tumblr post. Everything she said resonates with me:-

I’m so tired and stressed out over school, but I also refuse to accept sleeping at one every school night as a done deal.

Do you see where this is taking me? The dilemma, contradictions, hypocrisy, workload and the whole lot of bullshit that comes with school is freakin’ killing me, I’m a sucker when I can’t fathom the routine of my life but keep doing it anyway.

Maybe the mere sight of everyone around in school burying their heads in books before, during and after school just scares the shiz out of me.

But one thing I know for sure, I don’t think I’m getting much ahead with schoolwork and revision. Its like every time I pen down some time in my schedule book to drill exam information, more homework and projects come along, and I never get down to any revision in the end -fully explains my unpreparedness for the upcoming examinations. The Tedious timetable at school coupled with ridiculous late timings on some days doesn’t help either.

Completely drained of sanity is an understatement -How else to explain filled-to-the-brim tear ducts the moment I step foot into my house.

I’m bursting with screams of exasperation but my mouth remains silent. It's painful.

What sucks even more is how I feel I’m fighting a losing battle every day -refusing to let my mood down when I wake up every morning, “Oh good lord, bring joy”, but only to sink deeper and deeper as seconds pass, and the clock finally strikes 12, signalling the start of the same routine. All over again.

Let it all fall to pieces. Cos it's just like that. It's impossible for anyone to live without caring about other people's judgements, other people's view of you.

The One

Oh my gosh I'm suddenly so intrigued by the violin!! Guess what? That day I was talking to my mom and I mentioned that I wanna learn to play the violin and drums, then my mom said, "Really? My colleague's son has a violin but he wants to throw it away. I can tell her that I want to keep it." Hehe I am so excited! Though I don't know what to do with my guzheng at home :P And these 4 years I've been learning "Chinese musical notes", so if I really take up violin lessons, think I'll take some time to get used to the "Western musical notes".

VIOLIN~ Perhaps after O Levels! ^^

Down The Line

Dammmitttt the suay-est day of my life! Overslept cos of my phone's alarm which went haywire cos I didn't set the time when I switched it on, and missed Ms Lee's lesson. I'm so sorry! Oh gosh I don't know how to explain to her. My fault that I didn't tell anyone what time I was planning to wake up -_- To think that I actually already planned the time properly, like wake up at 8am, have breakfast, bathe then walk to the bus stop. How great man! Pleaseee pleasee pleasseee don't let the same thing happen tmr - I have a Lit seminar!! I was already not in the right state of mind, and I reallyyy thought that lesson was until 12.30, so I took a cab down to school. Guess what? When I was about to enter the school gate 11.30am, I saw Germ and her friends, which meant that lesson had ended! Ugh. Could only return home lor, but I didn't want to go home immediately so I went to AMK library. Wth, like some 流浪汉cos all the tables were occupied. Sat on the bench in the end. Don't know how many times I stoned before I boarded 159 home.

Okay *breathes deeply* I'm not gonna mull over that anymore. Yep as you can see from above, though stupid Blogger jumbled my photos, the things that happened recently were Guzheng farewell, Guzheng "outing" to Germ's house, Eng seminar and shopping!! I'm soooo gonna miss all the juniors :( and of course everyone else especially our clique. Went to Germ's house on the Mon she took Chi O Level, and had a crazy time using photobooth! Haha. Caught Pirates of the Caribbean at Nex, it was awesome! The mermaid is so gorgeous. Hehe I always do some "research" on shows and actors that I like. I'm not a stalker like Ang Jiayi, ahem.

Then last Thurs was Eng seminar at NTUC Centre. So cool to take the train to the CBD and feel like some grown up! :D But I think our behaviour was very disgraceful, and I wouldn't even blame the second speaker who had to stop several times to tell us to keep quiet and pay attention. Seriously, that's exactly the conduct of students who attend concerts. Please la, they don't even have the slightest respect for whoever's on stage, why do other people need to side them by saying "give them time, they are still young" kind of crap?

After the seminar, I had to go for doc's appointment, and couldn't join the girls for their outing. Awww :( They had so much fun at Nex! Nvm we'll go out another time. That day and that week was still great cos mom was on leave! Yay it felt so good to have mom taking care of me (mostly my skin :P) After seeing the doc, mom and I had Astons and it was superb! Cheap Western food at a great price :D Proceeded for retail therapy after that. It was a long and tiring day, went to Wisma, 313, Raffles City and HDB Hub. So happy that I bought stuff! My calves ached after that, like I had a workout of some sort :P I remember reading somewhere that wearing flats can tone your calf muscles.

Okay shall try to sleep earlier tonight and tell everyone what time I'm waking up tmr, haiz. Shit la there are sooo mannyyyyy books I wanna read, soooo manyyyy dramas I wanna watch, so mannyyyy movies I wanna watch!

Oh yeah oh yeah! Saw a lot of hunks and cute guys! ^^

The four of us are going out on Wed~

Leisurely

Doing some stuff (which can't be explained now :D)

Had breakfast today at BK, then went to Toa Payoh library to collect my reserved book - Room by Emma Donoghue. Sigh, feel quite guilty that I've been reading wayyy too little. At last, without exam pressures (okay just for a lil while), I spent my time looking at books and mags, and got so fascinated by bridal mags. Haha I've always had a fetish for those stunning dresses, there are so many designers out there who just make such incredible ones of different designs and sizes. That's also a reason why I was intrigued by the royal wedding (besides Prince William, of course!)

Mom kept my soft toys due to my skin condition now. Awwww there are dots everywhere and pimples below my collarbone area, and I can't wear nice clothes :(

Hehe, yesterday was my family's day out ;) Dad suddenly said he wanted to watch Kunfu Panda (in 3D somemore leh!) Cos he said 要看就看最好的! At first he wanted to book tickets at Vivo's GV Max but the good seats were taken. Eventually bought tickets for Eng Wah at Suntec, 9.45pm. Eng Wah underwent some "makeover" (I guess it's due to strong competition from Cathay, GV etc :P) and it's now called "We cinemas" -_- The "We" comes from inverted "EW", Eng Wah's initials. Killed time and went to the book fair at 7+pm, nothing much. Then had Haagen Dazs cos Dad had vouchers. Damn funny, you get Haagen Dazs vouchers each time you eat there, so it's like a "vicious cycle"! But this promotion ends on 30th June I think.

AND THEN CAME THE HORRENDOUS EPISODE IN MY LIFE. We went to the washroom before heading to the cinema. I don't know how it all happened, but I unknowingly followed my 2nd bro into the GENTS!!! At first I didn't realise, until I found the place quite weird and full of men (Duh?!) and it suddenly struck me. My bro saw me through the mirror's reflection and was like, "Why you follow me?" Shit man, I quickly turned and walked to the Ladies! The toilet janitor was laughing at me :'( Haizzz

Then there was the movie. Um, I'm still unimpressed by Eng Wah or We. The movie hall was structured in a weird way such that it seemed quite crammed, and we sat at the last row. Tsk tsk, could still see those popcorn probably from the previous screening under the seats! :O Seriously, it's difficult to clean that space between the rows of seats, so is the hall gonna be infested with pests or something?! And, my mom's 3D glasses were faulty, so my 2nd bro had to get it changed when the lights were off and trailers were played, what's more we were seated at the last row...Ha and the irony of it all - when we were being passed the 3D glasses before entering the hall, my mom casually asked if the glasses were working and the lady replied yes, they're in good condition and were just checked :/

Oh yess Kungfu Panda 2! I quite like it cos it's action packed and has the element of humour in it to make up for a somewhat weird storyline. Jack Black as the voice of Po was damn good! I like Angelina Jolie as the Tigress too! ^^ But guess what, my dad fell asleep! Haha no one knew he had zoned out cos we couldn't see his eyes. So much for initiating a movie!

Okay, gtg, everyone, let's enjoy our SCHOOL HOLIDAY!!!